Everyone has some fears, right? A lot of fears are irrational. A lot of fears are stupid. Like right now, I walk faster when I have to go to the barn in the dark. I don’t know why. It’s perfectly safe and I know that perfectly well. But I mean, with all those chickens just staring at you and all those dark corners….you never know…like…what you’ll see. I always see the same thing, which is exactly what I’m suppose to see, but what if I do come out and there’s something different?? Like a rabid coyote, a dog eating a chicken (which would mean I would have to actually save the chicken), or a man I’d never want to be alone in the dark with?? But so yeah, that right there is a pretty irrational fear. And I can make myself walk out to the barn and do whatever I need to do, but there’s always this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’ll walk right around the corner and see…You know what I mean.
But here are some fears that are not irrational…but they should be.
Who here agrees that it shouldn’t even be an option?? (Unless there’s abuse or something). There was one time in my life where I’m remember having nightmares because I was so scared that my parents might just up and say, ‘We don’t love each other anymore. You two are going with Dad, and the other two are going with Mom. Don’t worry, we’ll see each other over the weekend and on holidays.’
Mom tried to comfort me once. “We said our vows. We promised to love and to cherish all the days of our life.”
But that didn’t do a thing for me.
“They all did, Mom. They all said that.” It’s not like anyone walks into a relationship, gets married and then say, ‘This is only for a couple years or so and we’ll have kids, until we get bored of each other. Then we’ll just get a divorce.’ Ok, maybe there is someone like that. But not most wedding couples. They get married to spend eternity with this one man/woman and end up getting divorced later, totally destroying the family.
I’ll be honest, I thought up this post while Mom and Dad were discussing something, and I thought, ‘What if this gets past discussing, past arguing, and into divorce??’ I still freak out about it sometimes. No, I take that back. I’m terrified of it. Yes, even now. Even now when I know my parents love each other. Even now when they’ve been married for sixteen years. Even now when they’ve proven their love to each other over and over and over again. Even now, it still terrifies me.
And I know that it’s not going to just affect my life now. If I do marry, there’s this thing hanging here. You have the option to leave me if you want to. Are you? Can I 100% trust you not to? Wait! How do I do that? All those other brides trusted their husbands too and look where they are!!
When I look into his eyes as we stand at the alter, am I going to be thinking, ‘you’ll be here with me forever’, or ‘how do I keep you from leaving?’
Losing A Friendship
I’m sure there’s a time in your life when you’ve watched one of your close friends slowly drifting away from you. There’s not that connection you used to have anymore, and you’re petrified. Scared beyond all belief. There’s a horrible feeling that says, I’m going to lose this friendship…and I don’t know what to do!
You meet someone, you get close and things are wonderful. Then someone stops trying. You talk less, there’s awkward conversations. You start drifting further apart. Soon there’s no communication whatsoever. The memories start to fade. The person that you know becomes the person you knew. That how’s usually goes right?
It’s sad and it hurts. I know about it. I lost a friend this way. It was way back…way way back, but I still remember how it hurt more than I remember the actual person. It still hurts sometimes, even though it was years ago. Years.
Now I carry around a fear that my friends might start fading. It gets really easy for me to start panicking while I’m out with one, so when I come back home, I’ll text them…just to make sure that they’re still there. Luckily for me, one of my friends carries around the same fear. We both know it and so we both make sure that before we go, both of us KNOWS that the other one isn’t going to disappear in the night.
Because we both know how that hurts and how it can put a knot in your stomach.
I love you and I miss you, but you’re gone. I know that things can never go back the way they were, but we can at least talk right?
Death of a Friend or Family Member
Who here finds death scary? I do. Well, I take that back. It depends on what kind of death. I would much rather prefer a quick, unexpected, painless death and I’m not really scared of that. Painless, oneway ticket to Jesus! Yes! Give me that any day! But…sickness? Uh-uh. I find cancer, ebola, and all those things terrifying. I told Mom that I wanted to die before I got too old, arthritic and sore.
Yet I just recently buried my dear Grandma Fay. How many of you know what kinds of regrets that brings up? I wish I would have sent her a card. I wish I would have just called her one day and talked. I wish I would have and on and on.
For about a month after Grandma’s death, I remember when someone was late or something like that, there was a vice that grabbed my heart, whispering ‘have you left too?’ And no, no one else has left since. But there’s still the grabbing vice, the flashbacks to Grandma’s funeral, the fear of being left behind.
I know that she went to Heaven and I know that those around me will go to Heaven, yet I’m still scared. I guess I’m not scared about whether I’ll see them again. I’m scared about making it through this crazy, disgusting downs and the exhilarating, carefree ups without them. Without Mom, without Dad, without Grandpa, without my sisters (yes, I DO love you guys), without the people who make my life what it is today. Yeah, I’m terrified of getting married without Dad’s wisdom, of dealing with boys I don’t want without Mom, of working with horses without Grandpa, of laughing without my sisters.
But you know what? I think it’s ok. I think the time when you’re scared is the time when Jesus reaches down and gives you a hug. It’s ok. You’ll be fine. You’re strong than you think. I have great plans for you.
While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~John Taylor
Making Someone Upset
How many of you fear this? I know I do. Being a first born, I want to make sure that everyone is happy. And to make sure that everyone is happy means making sure someone is not upset. So, something that makes someone else upset is to be instantly abolished. However, this is not always the greatest. For example, how many great things were accomplished, even though the accomplisher was walking upstream? Hmm? Almost everything that has been accomplished today has been accomplished with difficulties. There is always difficulties.
Yet why are we so afraid of it? Why do we fear stepping out into the unknown? Why do we fear challenging someone? I don’t know. I really, seriously, honestly don’t know. When everything tells us that we are right, that we can do it, we back away because someone ‘explains’ to us all the reasons it on’t work. All the reasons we should quit, pack up, and go home.
And you know what? A lot of times we do!
And a lot of times it holds us back from all that God wants for us in our lives.
Going with the flow is not so great when everyone else is going over a cliff.
Sharing the Gospel
Dude. Nothing makes me go into a sweat like the thought of walking up to a complete stranger and talking about Jesus. I was not a member of Bright Lights when our group did the street evangelism and so I have no experience. Nor have I ever thought of what to say. My experience of telling others about Jesus is when my friend S. and I were really little and all I remember is starting at Adam and going all the way back. Then there is the experience of ‘My niece has a boyfriend, why don’t you?’ “Um…” I was totally unprepared for the question as I was fourteen, in an arena with my aunt’s horses, and this was a cousin (ok, distant cousin) asking me. “Because it’s not worth it to have my heart broken for a guy who I’m never going to marry anyways.” I had answered. Because my single years, the time when I don’t have to worry about anything and the time when I don’t have any past experience to hold be back, only happen once and they are precious. I want to save them for the Lord and not waste them all by looking for a guy who I’m most likely going to break up with anyways. I trust God to bring me my man. was what I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I said the logical answer and I missed a huge opportunity to share Christ right there. I kicked myself about it for a long time after that.
Today, I went out with Coaly to the backroads by the river. It’s beautiful down there, with the farm fields, one lane roads, tons of mosquitos and deer flies, and only a few houses and even less cars. After about three weeks of riding her, a lot of days hard 8-10 miles of riding, she’s a different horse. When she first came, she was hot, excitable, and ready to run over you at a second’s notice. Now, she sits on three legs, patiently walks beside you, no matter how slow (I was copying Buck Brannon here…I’m going to get old some time), and is a wonderful ride. And yes, we’ve been backing slowly off the hard rides and more onto difficult things…like walking up the road without a fuss. 😀 We took her 8 miles two days in a row and then walked her away from home the next day, she did a lot better, meaning she took up one lane of our road instead of two. And she didn’t do any spinning stuff. (@pnwcountrygirl, I guess that’s how you deal with barn sour horses 😉 )
But that’s all beside the point. Today, I went out with Coaly to the backroads beside the river. There’s this one dog by an intersection. She’s a drop-down-dead gorgeous red Doberman. Coaly is fine with her, even though she barks and “chases” us down to the stop sign. Well today, her owner’s mother was out and we were talking. When I left, I told her “God bless you!” It was a simple way to declare “I am a Christian!!”
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”