This is an essay that I was required to write for my Awana.
Living by Faith
‘for we walk by faith, not by sight’
Everyone’s heard that verse, right? Incase you haven’t, let me write it down for you. 1 Corinthians 5:7, ‘for we walk by faith, not by sight.’ (For some reason, I thought it was in Romans). My Journey book says to write a 300 word (or more, as it clearly says) essay on how, as a Christian, I live by faith. So, here we go.
When I was born, I was born with a sin nature. I had no idea how hard this life would be. And honestly? I haven’t even really had it that hard. I have loving parents who have been together for fifteen years now and they’re still going strong. I have awesome epic sisters. I love being homeschooled, the small farm where I live, and the way that God is preparing me for what He wants me to do. I’m not starving, I’m not persecuted, I’m not forced into brothels or anything like that. God has blessed me.
When I turned seven, I accepted Christ as my savior. It was after I had sinned and been found out. It’s the first time I remember ever feeling guilty before being caught. (It’s easy feeling guilty after you’ve been caught!!) I don’t remember the feelings, but I know that I knew I was saved.
Skip forward a couple years, I’m twelve year old dreamer now, looking for the future, enjoying the now…mostly. And I’ve had a mighty blow.
Somehow, I slipped down the mighty hill I was climbing towards God. I didn’t go rolling and tumbling, head over heels with friends and family rushing after me to make sure I was ok. Oh no, Satan knew what would happen if that was what took place. I would be lifted to my feet, dusted off and I would start up the hill again, encouraged, loved, prayed over and watched out for.
So, I slipped just a footstep here, a footstep there, a little slippery place there. And before I knew it, I was staring up at where I should have been and asking myself and God, “What on earth happened?”
I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it (playing right into Satan’s hand) because I was the eldest of the whole youngest generation of Cowgars and Adams. I was the one that everyone held up. I was the best person on the Quizzing team (mostly because my mom and dad made sure that I was studying for 45 minutes to an hour everyday) and I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. (What a dork I was, everyone slips.)
And so, down and down I went. I started scrabbling around, trying to get up, but it didn’t seem to work. (See, I was trying on my own.) Nothing worked. And then, Satan started talking. “You. Are. An. Idiot. You are one of the biggest idiots I’ve ever seen. Why can’t you do it? Everyone else is doing it. Are you weaker than them or something?”
Then his tone changed. “Daleen, poor, poor Daleen. Haven’t they showed you around?”
“Well, yes, of course they have.”
“You have no idea what I’m talking about. Have they not showed you around the churches?”
And then as I went through life, I started seeing things. I started seeing hypocrites in church. I started seeing the way the church wasn’t that different from the world. I saw all the denominations of churches at each other’s throat.
“What idiots they are.” Satan was back again. I was determined that nothing he said would ever change my beliefs. I was too scared of hell. But he already knew how confused I was. “Everyone claims that they are right. Pretty soon, they’ll start spitting fire…if they haven’t already. You need to pick which one you believe.”
“I do? I can’t wait a little longer?”
“You need to pick now if you want to get rid of me.”
“Well, which one is right?” (Quite a stupid question to be asking Satan. Just an FYI.)
And so my kite string broke to a thread. And still, no one knew. On the outside I was trying very hard to be the same Christian girl. I had given up Quizzing, (they didn’t have a senior team, not enough people) and was now full time Awana, trying to finish the last three books to catch up. And I did catch up. That spring, I got my Timothy and Meritorious. I started writing stories for contests. Christian stories. And yes, I won a couple, lost more. 🙂
My thread was fraying. More and more. And I was starting to wonder how small a thread could get before it broke. Now I think that Jesus was standing there, holding my two pieces of thread together, making sure that it wouldn’t break!!
And that’s when I learned about faith. That is when Hebrews 11:1 (yes, I did memorize it earlier in Awana) finally made sense. ‘Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.’
I learned about faith when I was on my knees in my bedroom late one night, praying, “God. I can’t do this. I need You. I am so lost, God. Help.” That was when Jesus showed me who He really was. That was when He became personal.
Faith is what happens when you meet Jesus. Faith is not believing. Faith is knowing that Jesus is there for you. Faith is knowing that He is coming to get you. Faith is knowing that life is temporary but we have something eternal. Faith is knowing that there is more than meets the eye. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Faith is what keeps you going when you have nothing left, because you know that Jesus is there. Faith is what holds you up, because you know that Jesus said that when we have nothing left, He will carry us.
That is what faith is.
Lift the cross up high, soldiers. We have a fight to win.
I wonder if I’ll get points deducted for going away from the subject with the ‘lift up the cross’. 🙂